i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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