There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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