I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
