I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
