I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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