You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
