wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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