I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
