he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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