Already got asked if we're dating
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
