he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize