just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
