On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
