just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
