Have you finally orgasmed yet?
420 ftw
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
