so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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