They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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