you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
