that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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