I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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