hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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