the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
