It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
