i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
