i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
