i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
