I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
