im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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