I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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