can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
