I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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