I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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