Soap is not a condiment
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need a beard to bite.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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