i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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