I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
