fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
