Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
