i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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