at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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