Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
