I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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