I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
