Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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