For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
