overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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