Buhtt sex?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
