dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
