I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
