At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
