Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
