3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
