Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
