I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
