I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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