You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
