my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize