so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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