My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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