i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
