Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
