69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Bring me that man meat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
