Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
