I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
