Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
