The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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