what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
