my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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